In a completely unsurprising vote, New York/Florida Attorney Robert Stumpf was elected by the American Bar Association it’s “Sexiest Attorney for 2024” last night at the ABA’s convention in Chicago.
“He’s red hot…he’s smoking hot”, said ABA Chair Maria L. Friswell. “Yes, it’s true…he’s gained a lot of weight over the years, and those man-boobs of his are not attractive in my opinion. But you can’t deny that he is still the total package. I want him, and I know that many female delegates to (the ABA convention) feel the same.”
Stumpf is of course married to Mina M. Mangeorge Serena Relato Reburiano, who is a registered nurse, and also apparently the envy of many of the lady lawyers of the ABA. “I can’t even imagine having a husband like that….Rob is funny, he’s cute, he’s very nice, a good driver and an excellent cook. But it’s his appearance that drives me wild”, said Laurie Joranna, chair of the ABA’s LGBTQ+ Steering Committee. “Rob might actually cause me to go back to be straight”, she added laughingly.
In a press release, Mr. Stumpf accepted the award with typical good humor and grace. “I know they had a hard decision, but in the end, the ABA made the right call” he noted. “Not only do I have an advanced brain, but for my age, come on….I’m still good lookin’, and I’m glad the women of the ABA can see that reality which is right in front of their noses.”
This magical mystery tour is not yet over for Mr. Stumpf. He will next compete in the World Hottest Attorney contest in Tokyo, Japan representing the United States. Is he worried that other attorneys around the world can give him some serious competition? “Frankly, no”, he said when asked. “I mean, I’ll smile and be nice about it, and I won’t show off during the swimsuit competition. But when you challenge Rob Stumpf, you challenge the best. Watch out, world!”